So tired

Yes, it s still all about the puppy at my house.  Not just the playing with the puppy and snuggling with the puppy but the not so fun stuff too.  While I am soooooooo grateful that Miss Dixie is basically house trained, I am sooooooo not excited about the whole night waking situation.  Yes, I fully knew that this comes with having a puppy.  It doesn’t make me like it anymore.  In fact, I am feeling a little PTSD as it is bringing me back to my postpartum days.

Before I go on, I must say that I realize that getting up with a puppy at night doesn’t compare with getting up with a newborn baby.  Yet, that doesn’t make the sleep deprivation any more tolerable.  I am the first to admit that I need a freakishly large amount of uninterrupted sleep to feel human.  Moreover, just waking up twice a night is seriously disrupting my personality.  It is bringing me back to the not so happy postpartum days.  I had really hoped that would be a place I would never visit again. 

Having watched friends and family have babies over the years, I am very sensitive and sympathetic to the struggles that come from lack of sleep.  “Struggles” doesn’t really describe it at all.   Hormones play a major role too.  But, I find that the lack of sleep and subsequent exhaustion is really what sends many of us into postpartum craziness.  To me, it seems as if it affects most of us in one of the following ways: 

• Weeping , sobbing, falling to pieces
• Hermiting and complete lack of basic self care (no shower, spit on clothing etc.)
• Flat out “the world is ending” depression
• Overcompensating for lack of energy by doing more, resulting in a drastically shortened fuse.

It may come of no surprise that I fall into the fourth category (with some #1,2 and 3 tendencies).   I set high standard for myself and then feel angry when I can’t live up to them.  I focus on tasks rather then my children.  I become super defensive.  I could go on and on.

The blessing of me going through this hiccup of exhaustion is that I can look at it with a clearer head .  That is something that I was never able to do when I had all of those post baby hormones surging and draining.  I see how vital sleep is.  Like water, food, air, you need it for survival.  Yet, we often tend to try to power through without thinking of the impact it has on our bodies and minds.  I would never see myself as weak because I stopped vacuuming for a drink water upon becoming severely dehydrated.  What makes our need for adequate sleep any different? 

Whether we have been sleep deprived for work, children, travel, stress or worry, it takes the same toll.  As I shared, I am an angry, delusional tired. 

What kind of tired are you?