Baby Lust

Driving back from the gym today Liam declared:

"I can't wait until the new baby comes!"

Me: Um...whah...huh? ...... You.... like babies?

Liam:  No.  But, I can't wait until our baby comes.

Me:  So you would like to be a big brother?

Liam:  Yes.  Then I'll be sooo big, like Jack.

Me:  We are not going to have anymore babies in our house.

Liam:  I'd like a baby.

And then, that familiar twinge takes over.  And then, the brief fantasy of having another baby (which of course is a girl who never cries and is born sleeping through the night).  Although my heart sinks knowing that Liam will never be a big brother, the reality is that I do not want another baby.  Our family is complete.  I am starting to get a taste of the freedom that comes with having older children.  Freedom of having more space for my myself.

No diapers to change.  
No night feedings or wakings. 
No waking for the day at 4:30 AM
No 4 PM witching hour
and with Liam in preschool
Tuesday and Thursday mornings to myself

And, then the twinge is gone...or surpressed.  Either way, the daydream dies.  I have had these little "maybe one more" episodes for years. 

There was a time when I doubted motherhood altogether. When Amelia was a newborn, I went from dreaming of a big picture perfect family to raising an only child and going back to work as soon as possible.  Thankfully, I stuck it out at home with Amelia.  Thankfully, she stuck it out with me, accepting me and all of my faults.  20 months and a few spells of Baby Lust later, and baby Jack joined us.  I was in love, but the Baby Lust was gone.  I knew this time that our family was complete.  A girls and a boy perfect in their imperfections.  We were done, chapter closed.

Only it wasn't.  Starting around Jack's 1st birthday the Baby Lust returned.  I shooed it away, but it came buzzing back time and time again.  Finally, when Jack turned 3, I realized that my longing wasn't staying away.  Nine months later, baby Liam arrived.  This time I knew I was done having babies.  Still, the lust returned again a year later.


I could have ten children and still have bouts of Baby Lust.  It isn't emotional, it isn't rational and it isn't sensible.  It's biological.  It started in my 20's and continues into my 30's.  Time will tell whether or not I will long for just one well into my 40's.   It is hard to close the door on having a baby in the house.  The way that they arch their backs and tuck their legs when you lift their sleepy bodies from bed.  The warm fuzzy heads with that delicious smell.  The list goes on and on.  Apparently, so does the Baby Lust.

Do you suffer from intermittent of Baby Lust?