Welcome to Swell Notes!

“The days are long, but the years fly by”.  I can’t count the number of times that a seasoned mother has shared this reflection with me.  When my daughter was an infant, I found this impossible to believe.  It’s true, the days were long.   The nights were also long too.  So were the hours (particularly between 4PM – 6PM).  Quite often, the minutes even the seconds dragged on.  Now as two of my children are in school full time, I  see time picking up momentum.   Gone are the days of hours of playing on the floor, long walks and marathon art sessions.   I have drastically fewer opportunities to give them my undivided attention.  I once felt guilty about feeling bored as I tried to ensure that they always felt like the center of the universe .  Now, I feel guilty about not having the time to make them feel that way often enough.  Such are the struggles of motherhood.

I am looking forward to spending time with all of my children this summer.  Without school, a schedule and activities, I am eager to revisit the slower pace we shared when they were younger.  Allowing them to set the pace for the day, play and learn through exploration.  I hope to offer them enrichment in a relaxed, creative way that will be both child led and parent guided.  I hope to find that balance between over stimulation wrapped in frustration and boredom wrapped anarchy.   I have big dreams.

Looking back on my many parenting mistakes, it is easy to see that I started off on the wrong foot from the start.  The day I brought my daughter home from the hospital, I started the insanity.  At 3 days old, I was reading her books, putting her on her play mat under hanging toys, showing her black and white pictures and labeling and explaining everything.  I was terrified that she would feel bored or unloved for even a second.  I was afraid that I would miss the opportunity of training her to be a child prodigy and all around genius.  It is true, I am raising an thoughtful, creative, intelligent, loving person who I find to be the most beautiful and gifted 8 year old on the planet.  She is also positively type A, just like her Mama.  Nature or nurture?  I will let Amelia be the judge of that in years to come.

Entering motherhood for a second time, one might think that I had learned my lesson.  That was not the case.   And so, I went on until the birth of my third child, Liam.  Be it from 5 years of exhaustion, my aging body, or trial and error, I slowly started rethinking my parenting approach.  As strong as my love for children was, my exhaustion was stronger.  It was time to manage my desire to give my children the perfect life with my need to be my own creative, even human, being.  All of this while keeping a sacred block of time for my complicated gym and yoga schedules.  As I have said, I am nothing if not a dreamer.

Well, I have often heard the praises of taking small steps.  We can’t do it all everyday.  We can, however, do something everyday.  Each day we can spend time inspiring creativity in our children through music, art, gardening, cooking, or even just sharing stories or ideas.  Each day, we can simmer in our own creative juices.  We don’t have to spend hour; some days minutes are enough, even perfect.