Comfort Music

Enjoying the Sounds of Home

The biggest success that came out of my many hours of travel preparations was, hands down, making each child their own playlist.  Since the time that Jack, my middle child, turned 3, I have often used headphones and music to soothe him.  It started as a night time "PLEASE SLEEP!!!" tool and then grew branches into other areas of our lives.  Now I also use it with Jack for:

Anger management cool down
To beat car boredom
Early morning seclusion /(don't wake up the rest of us)

Having spent his 3 years in a musical household, Liam has always had a song in his heart.  He sings as he plays with cars, takes a bath, eats,  and goes to the bathroom, pretty much all of the time.  In fact, often, Liam chooses to sing in conversation rather then speak.   Jack and Liam even been heard arguing in song ("It ...  is....    mine"  "NO IT"S NOT"  "yes...   it...    is"   "NO IT"S NOT".  

It should have been no surprise that, while traveling, the best source of comfort (outside of Mom and Dad) for my children was music.  Why?  Music evokes emotion and memory.  It transports us, soothes us, calms us and gives a voice to emotions that we can not find the words for ourselves.   I was simply trying to find a way to keep my children from being bored and frustrated.  But, music gave them much more then entertainment.  It gave them comfort.

Liam's favorite music, a Kindermusik medley.  In particular, anything car themed and the song"Apples and Bananas".  Amelia escaped to her tween pop happy place while Jack rocked out to his pretween songs of angst.  I enjoyed my favorite sound of all, quite.

What is your child's favorite song or musical style?

How do you care for your children when you are sick?

As of midnight, we are back from wonderful vacation and family reunion.  Not yet having adjusted from the time change, my children began waking up at 5AM.  As if that weren't enough of a rude awakening, I woke up with a summer cold and flu type grossness.  Having let the kids indulge in an obscene amount of screen time during out travels, I cannot bare to use that crutch today.  But, being low on energy and high on congestion has left me creatively barren.  My only option left was to plead with my older two to step up and help out.  And...it (so far) has worked!


Sometimes I forget how much my loving, considerate, and caring children want to help.  By "help" I am referring to occupying themselves, taking the dog out and feeding themselves.  They really enjoy caring for others and are quite capable.  Of course, they don't mind being asked to be in charge (boss around) their 3 yr. old brother either.  Don't feel bad for Liam, he gets to have his big brother and sister read to him and play with him.  


So, this has worked for me for today.   I am fortunate to have a capable pair of elementary schoolers to help out.  However, preschoolers and infants are very tough to care for when you are sick.   I remember some very long days.


Here is my question for you:  How do you care for you children when you are sick?  Or, how do you make it through the very long day until relief comes?

The Best Advice, The Worst Advice

Parenting is complicated.  Figuring out what works best for your children and family is a very individual and personal thing.  In the past 9 years I have been given and been asked to give a lot of parenting advice.  Some advice was great and I use it to this day.  Other advice made me cringe as I knew I couldn't follow it.  Some, while great advice for other mothers, didn't feel right to me.  Here are my top 5's.

Worst Advice:


1.  Soothe a baby by dipping their pacifier in sugar 
     such and obvious no
2.  Drive your baby until they fall asleep
     Sleep deprivation and driving are not a good partnership
3.  Create an elaborate night time ritual to ease your child to sleep
     Now I have to give a bath, read books, and sing songs EVERY TIME I want my child to sleep!
4.  Have boys pee on a Cheerio to help potty training 
     This works for a lot of people.  Putting food in the toilet and telling your child to pee on it grosses   me out.
5.  Let the child decide when they are ready to go to sleep
     My children have decided that they are never ready


Best Advice


1.  Make good use of the Logical Consequence
2.  Take care of yourself
      If mother is unhappy, children are unhappy (Thank you Maura!)
3.  When you feel an adult tantrum coming on, give YOURSELF a time out.
4.  Swaddle!!!
5.  Graciously accept help.     
     It took me 3 children to finally do this without feeling like a failure.  I wish I hadn't waited.


What are the best and worst pieces of parenting advice you have received?

Musical Bingo

We are back in Tacoma after a wonderful escape to Hoodsport.  Beautiful weather, a back drop of the Olympic Mountains and fabulous friends to share it with.  I hope that all of you fellow Northwesterners who have been impatiently waiting for summer to arrive had a spectacular weekend as well.

After 3 days of being outside in the sun, I am getting some indoor activities ready for the kids today.  They will be less then thrilled to learn that one of those activities is being dragged to the gym so that I can get my workout in.   Hopefully, some down time making their own musical bingo board will soften the blow.  


My children, like most, LOVE board games.  They also like putting their own personal touches on things.  I was looking for a way to drill musical notation.  So, musical Bingo it is.  Today our ficus will be pitch names, but this will work well for rhythmic notation too (note value and rests).  I decided to start on a very basic foundation - the C scale.   Here is the game

1. Each child will be given a blank Bingo sheet of 20 squares
2. The player creates his own board by writing one the notes of the C scale:  C, D, E, F, G , A or B in each box
3. The caller (parent) notates the randomly selected letter on a large grand staff (search google and print if you don't have one)
4. regular laws of Bingo ensue

After each game, the players will have the opportunity to play their bingo composition for the other players.

For younger Children:

Option One:
My Liam (3) is too young to learn musical notation (though he will pick some up through exposure).  Instead, he will just focus on letter writing and recognition.  We will still use the letters of the c scale.

Option Two:
For toddlers, create an auditory bingo with animal pictures and sounds.  Create a pictorial animal board and enlist the internet for real life sounds of favorite animals.  This activity is great for sound recognition, a basic musical skill.

Play On!

Embracing Failure and Letting Go

Sometimes, who we would like to be and who we authentically are don’t jive.  Sometimes, these two people can’t even be friends.    Last night, my two petty, jealous rivals came to a standoff.  It all went down at my sewing machine.

10 years ago, I bought my first sewing machine.  I was fresh off of my honeymoon and spending the summer living in Alaska.  I traveled to Anchorage with my two dogs to be with my husband who was on a 5 month assignment for work.  I was thrilled.  Having taken a leave of absence from my job, and found myself with nothing but time.  Being a newly wed, I decided to dive into the domestic.   I didn’t actually know how to sew.  But, being the creative type, I figured that I would catch on quickly.  As you may have guessed given the title of this post, I didn’t.

Looking back, I can see that I made many mistakes along the way.  I had no interest in taking a sewing class.  So, instead I bought books (ha, ha).   I also bought my sewing machine based on the way it looked rather then what I needed it to do as a novice.  So, my cute, vintage, singer machine and I spent many tense hours together.  I can’t remember what I actually created that summer.  I think that there were a few acceptable dog pillows that came out of it.  I certainly didn’t create the bedding or alter and repurpose clothing the way I had envisioned.  Mostly, I just felt defeated and frustrated.

I took a break from sewing for a year or so.  But after my daughter was born, I tried again.  This time I had visions of designing baby clothes.  I would save so much money and Amelia would have one of a kind dresses.  I had so many great designs in my head.  Again, this didn’t work out so well.  So, I took another break.

4 ½  years into my abusive relationship with my Singer (I was the abuser), I was convinced that the machine was the problem.  If sewing wasn’t coming naturally for me, it wasn’t my fault.  Impulsively, I went out and bought a new machine.  With it, I brought home the dreams (and fabric) for a new set of bedding for Amelia.  I owed her for 4 years of suffering without handmade dresses.  Many late nights, do-overs and tantrums later, I actually finished this project.  I felt validated.  I tried sewing clothes again.  It was a bust.  And so it went on like this for the next 4 years.

With 10 years of practice, I figured that a simple project like sewing a child’s busy bag for next weeks airplane venture would be a snap.  I had years ago learned my lesson about jumping in to a project too soon.  I carefully made a pattern, measured, ironed and set myself up for success.   The result:  a gigantic flop.

On the bright side of this 10 year struggle, I am now, finally at peace with my lack of skills.  For me, sewing represents a lot more then just a skill.  I think that women who sew are the epidome of domestica.  If you are an accomplished seamstress, give your self a pat on the back.  You are perfection.  I wanted a little of that for myself.  But, spending 20 hours and $40 on an Easter dress that Amelia can NEVER wear (peak-a-boo neckline) does not make me happy.  I would much rather spend my time and money shopping with her for the perfect dress.   I can’t make it.   There are many things on the domestic front that come naturally to me.  I am a terrible sewer.   I am not a sewer.  It just wasn’t meant to be.  There is a great freedom in letting go.

Have you ever tried to be good at something that just wasn't good for you?  Did you let it go, or are you still struggling?

Happy Harmonica's

Liam jams with Grandpop

Summertime is perfect for the many joys of the harmonica.  In the dead of winter when all of the windows are shut and the walls are closing in, this may not seem like a desirable addition to your home.    The Summer is a much better fit.   What is more adorable then a toddler playing the harmonica around the camp fire? 

Harmonica’s are a great first instrument for small children.  Without their even knowing it, kids learn so much.  They teach some of the early principles needed for learning woodwind or brass instruments like breath control.  Most children use the instrument to create patterns and explore rhythm.  And, best of all, they are small,  don’t break, are affordable, and are easily cleaned.    

For you local Tacoman’s check out Ted Brown.  Otherwise, they can be found at most large music retailers or online at Amazon.

Happy harmonizing!

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back: A Journey with Piano

What a soggy weekend!  I am sure all that of you who live in the Seattle / Tacoma area were no more excited about the weather then I was.  Both Jack and Amelia's make-up baseball games were canceled.  That tells a lot about our summer here.  The games rescheduled for rainouts, were rained out.  And life goes on.

Since our weekend plans were all pretty much canceled we had some unexpected free time.  I was happy to see that my lovely Amelia chose to spend some time on the piano (aka a crappy old keyboard).  I had high hopes of giving the kids piano lessons biweekly this summer.  That hasn't happened.  Perhaps, I can argue that we are still waiting for the summer to come.

                                                    Amelia Practices at St. Luke's in May

Amelia hasn't had a lesson in 2 weeks.  It showed.  I was amazed how much she didn't remember in such a short period of time.  We often speak about what "sponges" our children's brains are.  They seem to remember everything and pick up new skills so quickly.  We never think about their ability to lose information just as quickly.  Amelia and I struggled to review some basics that she had forgotten.  It was frustrating for us both.  It was also a good life lesson.

Music is a great tool for showing kids the importance of patience and practice.  While those skills aren't glamorous to a child.  They are important life skills.  There are some areas in life where you can easily cover up your lack or preparedness or at least fake it.  If you are a beginning musician, you can't.  

The set back wasn't entirely a bad thing.  We both learned our lesson (no pun intended, really).  I have learned that when I lack consistency, my children will follow my lead.  The break also had another positive outcome.  Jack (7) asked if he could start lessons again too.  Jack has been on a break from piano for a while longer.  This was a mutual choice resulting from student/teacher conflicts.  I was very happy to see him come back on his own.  If you have children in music lessons, or plan to in the future, I hope that you will learn from my mistakes:

Keep in consistent, but let them stay in control of their own progress.  If they have tools, support and encouragement, they will find their own musical journey.  Forcing it only makes them run in the other direction.

Quick, Healthy, Travel Snacks

On an Airplane, food is entertainment.  In our normal lives, this would be something we try to avoid or deny.  Travel allows us to break that rule.  Long plane rides let us break lot's of rules.  We do things we never would in our home towns.  We can read trashy magazines, pay $8 for a cup of fruit,  fall asleep in a room full of strangers, and offer are children food to occupy their hands and mouths.  That is why packing the right snacks is essential.   

                                      My wish is for lot's of this, and not much need for snacks

When I pack snacks for a plane ride I like to follow a few rules:

• Nothing that will break, smush, crumble, or otherwise be destroyed in transit.
• No snacks that are too similiar to snacks that we might be served on the plane.
• No food that could cause the need for a wardrobe change.
• Fresh fruit or veggies must be included.
• It should be (fairly) compact.
• Small children should be able to eat it independently.

That eliminates things that I would bring on a road trip like: trail mix (you know we will be offered nuts at some point), bananas (dangerously smushy), yogurt and apple sauce. 


So, based on that list, I am packing the flowing for each carry on:

Water bottles (empty)
1 bag raw veggie bag
grapes (in a hard container)
Cheese and crackers (packed separately so that they stay fresh)
Fruit leather
prepackaged granola bars

I will also pack an emergency candy bag in my carry on.  I plan on using it for bribery - something else I try to reserve only for the plane.

                                       

Music is a Tool for Travel Success

                                  When the music changes, so does the dance                                                   
                                                                 -African Proverb

Today I started making playlists with the kids for our big trip.  They love doing this, and it is always fun to see what music they pick out.  I have always felt that you can tell so much about a person by the type of music they are drawn to.   Oddly enough, as I type I have a 3 yr. old running through the house singing James Browns "Make it Funky"and a seven year old belting the song "Paris(Ooh La La)" by Grace and the Potter and the Nocturnals.  What does that say about my boys?  Seriously, any guesses?


The past two months my older two have been obsessing over "The Voice".  I am not sure that this show was totally appropriate for a 7 and an 8 year old.  Just letting my kids look at Christina Aguilera felt questionable.  But, I told my self that they didn't catch any of the trashy comments or questionable lyrics.  Jack and Amelia were crazy about the show.  Even though the show has ended, every conversation that we have still somehow circles back to "The Voice".  That said, it will be of no surprise when I let them each choose 3 songs from itunes they chose:  Cee Lo, Vicci, Dia, Maroon 5 and Xenia (I told Jack that he had to "sleep on"his Beverly decision).  


Some old favorites mixed with some new and we have created a pretty compact piece of entertainment.  However, music is great for travel for more then just relieving boredom.  It helps to block out noise, lets you to retreat inward from the claustrophobia of the plane, and lifts your mood (or brings it down depending on your song choice).  Once the plane lands it is still a fantastic tool.  A softer playlist helps children to wind down, while moving to something upbeat will help them to release some built up energy or stress from travel.


It's true, unless you are going backwoods, you will surely have access to the radio or a computer.  Still, bringing a familiar set of songs from home can be very soothing.  Especially, should homesickness or travel anxiety set in.  If you aren't crazy like me don't have time to make multiple playlists for everyone in the family, Pandora is a good friend.  We listen to a lot of pandora in our house.  If you do to, you know that they recycle a lot of songs.  While that may be boring for adults, kids love the repetition.
If you haven't used it before, check it out:  www.pandora.com


Don't forget to pack some music for yourself.  You don't even have to put and Kindermusik, Raffi or Wiggles on it!

Nurturing your Creative Spirit, Part 1

Creativity is a funny thing.  We use it constantly.  As a mother, I tap into my creativity everyday.  I find creative ways to distract my spirited child from a public tantrum.  I look for creative ways to make chores seem like fun, or camouflage vegetables in bland food.  But, creativity and trickery are not synonyms.  Creativity should come from inspiration, not duty.  For me, this is where the challenge lies.  Lately, all of my creativity undertaking come from duty.

Prior to having children,  I could easily waste away an afternoon listening to music and painting at my kitchen table.  I loved to take a journal to the park and clear my brain on it's pages.  Or, practice voice or piano, just for fun.  Now, with a house filled to the brim with activity and noise, these outlets seem like indulgences not likely to happen any time soon.  Where ever your creative passions roam or what your full time job is, if you are over the age of 30 and/or have children, you are probably in the same boat.

I have been thinking a lot about the need for creativity in my life lately.  As a parent, I have always taken time and effort to focus on the artful ingenuity of my children.  After all, it is great for cognitive growth, relaxation, patience, confidence and so much more.  But wait, couldn't I use all of those things too? While my children need a creative outlet as a life skill, I need it as a coping mechanism.  

Here is a little check in to see if I could benefit from a little creative down time.  Can you freshen up in any of these areas?  I can, see my responses:

Cognitive growth:  growth?  I struggle for mental clarity and I             could use some more.  


Relaxation:  I relax when I am sleeping.


Patience:  Pass.


Confidence:  In domestic affairs, sure.  Outside of that, not really.

So what now?  I have read parenting magazines that suggest that you can get creative with your kids.  Doodle when they color, sing with them or dance together.  These are great things, but it doesn't replace our own needs.  Drawing race cars with crayons while my son orders the specs., doesn't fulfill me.  For that, I am thankful.   

Today, I have one simple idea.  I am going to create my own art box.  I have often done things like this for my children.  Only, my box will not have glitter glue or construction paper.  My box will have charcoal and drawing pencils.  In short, it will have a real art supplies.  Maybe for others, this will be a knitting box, a journal, or a scrapbooking kit.  Mine will be a small box that is easy to pack up,  can move from room to room, and easily be put away.  A box that can be stored on a high shelf away from curious hands.  Whatever makes up your box, I hope that you will keep it close.  Use it while your children are using playdough, building legos or doing homework.  I hope that it will nurture YOUR creative spirit.


What creative Activities do you wish you had more time for?  What will you put in your box?