The Best Advice, The Worst Advice

Parenting is complicated.  Figuring out what works best for your children and family is a very individual and personal thing.  In the past 9 years I have been given and been asked to give a lot of parenting advice.  Some advice was great and I use it to this day.  Other advice made me cringe as I knew I couldn't follow it.  Some, while great advice for other mothers, didn't feel right to me.  Here are my top 5's.

Worst Advice:


1.  Soothe a baby by dipping their pacifier in sugar 
     such and obvious no
2.  Drive your baby until they fall asleep
     Sleep deprivation and driving are not a good partnership
3.  Create an elaborate night time ritual to ease your child to sleep
     Now I have to give a bath, read books, and sing songs EVERY TIME I want my child to sleep!
4.  Have boys pee on a Cheerio to help potty training 
     This works for a lot of people.  Putting food in the toilet and telling your child to pee on it grosses   me out.
5.  Let the child decide when they are ready to go to sleep
     My children have decided that they are never ready


Best Advice


1.  Make good use of the Logical Consequence
2.  Take care of yourself
      If mother is unhappy, children are unhappy (Thank you Maura!)
3.  When you feel an adult tantrum coming on, give YOURSELF a time out.
4.  Swaddle!!!
5.  Graciously accept help.     
     It took me 3 children to finally do this without feeling like a failure.  I wish I hadn't waited.


What are the best and worst pieces of parenting advice you have received?

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back: A Journey with Piano

What a soggy weekend!  I am sure all that of you who live in the Seattle / Tacoma area were no more excited about the weather then I was.  Both Jack and Amelia's make-up baseball games were canceled.  That tells a lot about our summer here.  The games rescheduled for rainouts, were rained out.  And life goes on.

Since our weekend plans were all pretty much canceled we had some unexpected free time.  I was happy to see that my lovely Amelia chose to spend some time on the piano (aka a crappy old keyboard).  I had high hopes of giving the kids piano lessons biweekly this summer.  That hasn't happened.  Perhaps, I can argue that we are still waiting for the summer to come.

                                                    Amelia Practices at St. Luke's in May

Amelia hasn't had a lesson in 2 weeks.  It showed.  I was amazed how much she didn't remember in such a short period of time.  We often speak about what "sponges" our children's brains are.  They seem to remember everything and pick up new skills so quickly.  We never think about their ability to lose information just as quickly.  Amelia and I struggled to review some basics that she had forgotten.  It was frustrating for us both.  It was also a good life lesson.

Music is a great tool for showing kids the importance of patience and practice.  While those skills aren't glamorous to a child.  They are important life skills.  There are some areas in life where you can easily cover up your lack or preparedness or at least fake it.  If you are a beginning musician, you can't.  

The set back wasn't entirely a bad thing.  We both learned our lesson (no pun intended, really).  I have learned that when I lack consistency, my children will follow my lead.  The break also had another positive outcome.  Jack (7) asked if he could start lessons again too.  Jack has been on a break from piano for a while longer.  This was a mutual choice resulting from student/teacher conflicts.  I was very happy to see him come back on his own.  If you have children in music lessons, or plan to in the future, I hope that you will learn from my mistakes:

Keep in consistent, but let them stay in control of their own progress.  If they have tools, support and encouragement, they will find their own musical journey.  Forcing it only makes them run in the other direction.

Nurturing your Creative Spirit, Part 1

Creativity is a funny thing.  We use it constantly.  As a mother, I tap into my creativity everyday.  I find creative ways to distract my spirited child from a public tantrum.  I look for creative ways to make chores seem like fun, or camouflage vegetables in bland food.  But, creativity and trickery are not synonyms.  Creativity should come from inspiration, not duty.  For me, this is where the challenge lies.  Lately, all of my creativity undertaking come from duty.

Prior to having children,  I could easily waste away an afternoon listening to music and painting at my kitchen table.  I loved to take a journal to the park and clear my brain on it's pages.  Or, practice voice or piano, just for fun.  Now, with a house filled to the brim with activity and noise, these outlets seem like indulgences not likely to happen any time soon.  Where ever your creative passions roam or what your full time job is, if you are over the age of 30 and/or have children, you are probably in the same boat.

I have been thinking a lot about the need for creativity in my life lately.  As a parent, I have always taken time and effort to focus on the artful ingenuity of my children.  After all, it is great for cognitive growth, relaxation, patience, confidence and so much more.  But wait, couldn't I use all of those things too? While my children need a creative outlet as a life skill, I need it as a coping mechanism.  

Here is a little check in to see if I could benefit from a little creative down time.  Can you freshen up in any of these areas?  I can, see my responses:

Cognitive growth:  growth?  I struggle for mental clarity and I             could use some more.  


Relaxation:  I relax when I am sleeping.


Patience:  Pass.


Confidence:  In domestic affairs, sure.  Outside of that, not really.

So what now?  I have read parenting magazines that suggest that you can get creative with your kids.  Doodle when they color, sing with them or dance together.  These are great things, but it doesn't replace our own needs.  Drawing race cars with crayons while my son orders the specs., doesn't fulfill me.  For that, I am thankful.   

Today, I have one simple idea.  I am going to create my own art box.  I have often done things like this for my children.  Only, my box will not have glitter glue or construction paper.  My box will have charcoal and drawing pencils.  In short, it will have a real art supplies.  Maybe for others, this will be a knitting box, a journal, or a scrapbooking kit.  Mine will be a small box that is easy to pack up,  can move from room to room, and easily be put away.  A box that can be stored on a high shelf away from curious hands.  Whatever makes up your box, I hope that you will keep it close.  Use it while your children are using playdough, building legos or doing homework.  I hope that it will nurture YOUR creative spirit.


What creative Activities do you wish you had more time for?  What will you put in your box?